MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS
Good morning, Columbus High students. It is still Monday, May 15th, 2006. Some days rush by and some days don’t seem to end, you know? For more musings about the nature of time, please see Aaron after a day or two of sleep deprivation. Go Comets!
FX: BELL RINGS
ZACH NARRATION
Here’s something I had forgotten: it turns out that walking around school with a black eye makes people uncomfortable. Or maybe it hadn’t my first time around, when the bruises were just about my personality—okay, and people being assholes; I can appreciate that maybe it’s kind of shitty to hit a thirteen-year-old, even a really, really (really) annoying one.
But now, kids leave a radius around me in the hallway. Eddie Williams drops all his books when he sees my face. I had almost forgotten what it was like, not having to wrestle through elbows casually aimed at my ribs and feet calculated to trip. I don’t think it's out of consideration, more that it's harder to gawk at me from close range, but I’ll take it.
I half want to run into Vice Principal Richardson, flash him a thumb's up, say something like, "Wow, sir, it's a good thing you're here to defend us all from having to look at boys holding hands! I'm getting weepy just thinking about it, oh wait, that's the broken blood vessels."
At lunch, Tori listens to the story of what went down before school with her hand tightening and re-tightening on her spork like she honestly might shank someone.
TORI
What are we doing about this?
LESLIE
We're gonna find this bastard.
ZACH NARRATION
I nod, indulgent, and let the sounds wash over me until the start of Con Econ.
ANDY
Dude! Your Prom photos are gonna be badass. Black eye plus tux? Like James Bond, man.
ZACH
Thanks?
ANDY
Speaking of badass, you going to Battle of the Bands this Thursday?
ZACH
Sure.
ANDY
Yes.
ZACH NARRATION
It turns out, and really I should’ve seen this coming, that we’re watching the same mall documentary that Gabe put so much effort into skipping. 30 seconds in, I can see why. Well, Gabe probably would find it offensively capitalist, while I just find it offensively boring, but yeah. I am 100% relieved when Andy starts a note-passing campaign.
At least, until I actually unfold the wad of notebook paper tossed at my head:
ANDY
(WITH A LITTLE REVERB AND PENCIL SOUNDS UNDER IT, BECAUSE NOTE) OK dude can we talk about what really happened friday? You disappear, come back smelling like weed & Gabe says you had a fever? Come on.
ZACH NARRATION
Shit. Shit. I have no idea what to say, how to let the question rest without yanking down the whole shaky scaffolding of lies. Maybe sensing that nothing like an answer is coming, Andy plucks up the note. A few seconds later, the paper returns:
ANDY
(NOTE) For the record bro I am not judging. Ppl who live in glass houses + word is your parents are a bag of dicks, so guessing they won’t get you treatment. But if Gabe knows you’re self-medicating, couldn’t he guess why you’d stepped out?
ZACH NARRATION
I squint down, trying to pretend the problem is Andy’s terrible handwriting.
“Treatment”, like I’ve got cancer. Where does Andy get these notions? Like so many things about him, it is a mystery. Still, it’s an easy out served up on a platter and I have no better options.
ZACH
(NOTE) He didn’t know about the self-medicating.
ANDY
(NOTE) Damn, dude. That is something you tell your boyfriend. Surprised he was so chill about it but makes sense this bullshit would bring up your mental health stuff.
ZACH NARRATION
Are there people going around saying I’ve got brain issues?
ZACH
(NOTE) Who told you about my mental health stuff?
ZACH NARRATION
Andy takes a long time on the reply, like he’s composing a novel or something. It gives me ample time to invent all kinds of paranoid possibilities, rumors that could be circulating. Not just queer but queer and crazy. I’m trying to remember to take deep breaths when Andy gently tosses the note back.
ANDY
(NOTE) Freshman year all you did was sit around being sad and drawing freaky shit. Thought you were just a bummer person, but now it’s obvious something was up. Depression or etc. Do you see Mr. Brown?
ZACH NARRATION
Mr. Brown is the school psychologist. I have only ever seen the guy from a distance. He looks like a cartoon tortoise, down to the neck, the bald head, the little glasses. Even his Hawaiian shirts somehow add to the effect.
Ponni sees him on Thursdays, I know that. I’m vaguely aware her visits have something to do with the panic attack thing. Ponni doesn’t hide it but she never makes a big deal about it either, just acts like it’s normal. It probably is to her, living with it every day. Hard to imagine.
Except, well—maybe not impossible. It’s different, of course. I can see how it might’ve looked from the outside, but Andy doesn’t get it. I’ve never had the luxury of some handy diagnosis to explain why the inside of my head is so shitty sometimes. I don’t hyperventilate or throw up. I’ve never wanted to kill myself. I used to read the pamphlets in the nurse’s office and wonder if there was something wrong with me, but it doesn’t fit. Nothing’s ever fit.
I stare at the matter-of-fact words, “Depression or etc.” I imagine lying on a therapist’s couch: “Help me doc, I’ve got a bad case of etc!”
Do I see Mr. Brown? Just writing “Nope” seems too curt.
ZACH
(NOTE) Thinking about it.
ANDY
(NOTE) Don’t think, do. Also, do you know a good dealer? Mine moved to Delaware. WTF, who moves to Delaware?
ZACH
(NOTE) I mean, define good.
MRS. PETERSON
Andy, what do you have there? You know the rule. Hand it over, and let’s all hear what was so important, it couldn’t wait til after class.
ZACH NARRATION
I stare at Andy, who is crushing the paper into a ball like he can render it invisible, but it’s too late. We are so busted.
Passing notes in school about drugs. We are so screwed.
MRS. PETERSON
Andy?
ANDY
One sec. (FX: ANDY TAKES A LONG DRINK FROM A WATER BOTTLE)
MRS. PETERSON
Andy.
ANDY
No yeah, be right with you.
FX: PAPER BEING CRUNCHED INTO ANDY’S MOUTH
MRS. PETERSON
Andy, take that paper out of your mouth right now!
FX: PAPER BEING CHEWED
MRS. PETERSON
Andy, do you hear me? We are not kidding around here! Andy Li, stop chewing!
ANDY
(THROUGH A MOUTHFUL OF PAPER) Sorry, can’t hear you! (SWALLOWS, THEN TAKES A HUGE SIP OF WATER) (COUGHS) You wanted something?
MRS. PETERSON
Detention.
ANDY
For drinking water?
MRS. PETERSON
Quit while you’re ahead.
ANDY
Okay, that’s probably fair. Tell me what happens at the meeting tonight, Zach. Got a feeling it’s gonna be a good one.
ZACH NARRATION
It really seems like the least I could do.
My algebra quiz comes back with a B+ on it and I sit there looking blankly at the top of the page, thinking that there must be some mistake. Ponni’s good but she's not a miracle worker. You'd really think a math teacher would have a handle on totaling points and stuff. I flip through my answers, free of red corrections more often than not. It's eerie.
MOLLY
Zach.
ZACH
Freshman kid. Uh, Molly.
MOLLY
Are you coming to the meeting today? You weren't there on Friday.
ZACH
Wait, were you?
MOLLY
Yeah. Feeling better? I mean, other than the—
ZACH
Maybe.
MOLLY
What happened? Lauren Harris said somebody jumped you behind the school—
ZACH
What? Who?
MOLLY
(DISBELIEVING) Lauren Harris? She’s really popular—
ZACH
(LAUGHING) Uh, Molly, dude. Being a popular freshman is like being famous in Canada. You gotta accept the rest of the world is not gonna know who you’re talking about.
MOLLY
Lauren Harris.
ZACH
Why? Wait, is she cute?
MOLLY
(FLAT) She’s fourteen and you have a boyfriend.
ZACH
No no, I meant—
MOLLY
She’s not as funny as she thinks she is. Also, maybe she’s a liar since it doesn’t seem like you’re in a coma?
ZACH
A coma. Wow, I’m pretty chatty for a guy in a coma.
MOLLY
I noticed.
ZACH NARRATION
When I walk into Ms. Cook’s that afternoon, Gabe’s not there yet. But shockingly, Tori is, lounging in a chair in the middle of the room like it’s perfectly natural.
ZACH
Am I driving you home today?
TORI
Nope, Krista. Saved you a spot. Who’re you, kid?
MOLLY
Uh, I’m Molly and I brought my friend Sierra.
SIERRA
And I brought a bag of homemade cookies. Oatmeal raisin.
FX: RUSTLE OF A LARGE ZIPLOCK BAGGIE AS ANDY AND GABE WALK IN.
ZACH NARRATION
I keep waiting for someone to point out that there are no snacks in Social Justice Club, but Ponni and Gabe enter deep in conversation, and when Krista and Leslie finally arrive, they’re on their own little planet until the meeting starts.
KRISTA
Okay, then. We’ve got some new-ish faces, so maybe we should go around and introduce ourselves, then explain what’s going on?
TORI
I’m Tori.
ZACH
Hey, I’m Zach.
TORI
(WHISPERING AS THE OTHERS SAY THEIR NAMES) Zach! Don’t zone out!
ZACH
(WHISPERING) What?
TORI
(WHISPERING) Set a good example for the little freshmen!
KRISTA
Krista.
LESLIE
Leslie.
GABE
Gabe.
MOLLY
Molly.
SIERRA
Sierra, hi.
PONNI
And I’m Ponni. Welcome, everyone!
LESLIE
So, uh, here’s the situation. F-first of all, all the out kids in this school are in the room right now.
ZACH NARRATION
I can’t help thinking that even minus the teenage rumor-mongering, it’s at least half-obvious. If Krista and Leslie were standing any closer, they’d be wearing the same pair of pants.
KRISTA
The four of us have been harassed over the past couple months. Taunts, slurs, Leslie’s hair was sabatoged, and today, Zach was physically attacked in the hallway. Maybe it’s all just a totally random coincidence, but it’s starting to feel like there could be a pattern here.
GABE
The other part of the pattern, is that the administration has done nothing to punish the people doing this, or to even suggest our safety is the goal. We’ve tried to talk to the vice principal and the principal, and it gets us nowhere. So today is about trying to figure out the next step. Leslie?
LESLIE
Yeah. I’ve been, uh, looking into the chain of command since the thing with my hair. As far as I can tell, we’d want a one-on-one with the superintendent. If that doesn’t work, we make a public, formal complaint at a school board meeting. (PAPER SHUFFLING) Next one is Monday.
TORI
Okay, and like, nobody lose their shit, but if we can imagine that maybe the school board isn’t gonna care—
LESLIE
After that, we’d file a complaint with the state Board of Education.
GABE
How long do you think this whole process would take? Start to finish.
LESLIE
I’m thinking—a long time. Definitely they could drag this out after the school year. I’m not saying this is what we should do. Just, this is what it looks like if we play by the rules. Ponni?
PONNI
Andy wrote a statement to read in his absence. (CLEARS THROAT) ‘Have we considered that maybe the solution here could be punching someone? Or ideally, punching a lot of someones?’
LESLIE
We don’t even know who we’d be punching yet.
TORI
What if we got the press involved? Like half of you are writers, we could manage a letter to the editor. Play up like, the whole Romeo and Juliet forbidden love, ‘we just wanna go to a dance together, aren’t we cute and nonthreatening, blah blah blah.’
ZACH
I don’t see the local paper caring any more than the vice principal.
TORI
Not the local paper, dude. Every paper we can think of. Cities, colleges—hell, let’s send one to the goddamn New York Times, what does it hurt—
KRISTA
(THOUGHTFULLY) Humiliate the school into doing something.
PONNI
Oh my gosh, we could get you four on TV—
GABE
Uh.
LESLIE
We’d want to be careful. People think high schoolers, they’ll be ready for drama. We stick with the facts, but the facts themselves—
ZACH
Gabe? Could I talk to you outside, hon?
FX: TWO SETS OF FOOTSTEPS CROSS THE ROOM.
PONNI
You’re gonna be famous!
FX: DOOR OPENS, DOOR CLOSES.
GABE
I know. It’s not ideal.
ZACH
By the time the paper’s printed, we won’t be doing this anymore. If we – kick up a lot of shit about how we’re suffering for our relationship and then fake break-up next week, that won’t look great.
GABE
Maybe not. So you don’t want to go to the news?
ZACH
No. Damn. Krista and Leslie still could decide to do it.
GABE
But we couldn’t support them in the same way.
ZACH
Which leaves us back at square one.
GABE
Yeah.
ZACH
It’s hard to pin our hopes on the Board of Education riding in to save us.
GABE
Yeah, I don’t see us winning if we play by their rules.
ZACH
Well, we’re bad kids. Loud stoner with a long string of detentions. Known troublemaker, full of dangerous ideas.
GABE
Not dangerous enough to get anything done.
ZACH
What if we didn’t break up right away, though?
PAUSE
GABE
(COUGHS)
ZACH NARRATION
Maybe Gabe’s sexual orientation doesn’t involve time travel, but suddenly I am wishing my own did, that I could spin myself back a few seconds, long enough to impart some valuable wisdom about shutting the hell up.
GABE
I just, I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think that’s such a good idea. For one thing, what if a journalist figures it out? The stakes are getting too high for us to keep lying.
ZACH
(CRUSHED BUT TRYING TO PLAY IT COOL) Yeah, no I get it, man. That’s cool, it was. Just an idea.
GABE
Zach? I really do appreciate that you’re trying to help.
ZACH
Not a big deal, man.
GABE
I mean it. And I don’t see why we can’t be the kind of, of pretend exes that get along. At the very least, you should keep coming to meetings, right? Safety in numbers.
ZACH
Yeah.
GABE
Okay?
ZACH
Okay.
FX: DOOR OPENS.
PONNI
—oh, and we should send one to—
GABE
Zach and I aren’t comfortable talking to the press just yet.
ZACH NARRATION
It occurs to me that to the rest of the group, it’ll probably look like we broke up because I couldn’t handle the pressure, that I wasn’t in it for the long haul. And it’s not like I’ll ever have a way to prove otherwise. Not like I’ll ever need to, but still. ‘I would’ve stuck by you,’ I think at the back of Gabe’s head. So many of the secrets I’m keeping are shitty, or in the case of whatever’s going on with Tori, shitty and incomprehensible. It’s nice to have something I can hold for myself.
In the van afterward, Gabe is very quiet. Normally, I would let him do his thing, but this is one of two car rides left together and I am greedy. Also, Gabe has his knees pulled up, the way he only does when he’s upset.
FX: DRIVING SOUNDS
ZACH
How’s it going?
GABE
Everything happens so slowly. Everything, not just this. The problems are so big and so urgent, but there’s so many layers of bureaucracy, you can’t make anything happen as fast as it needs to. It’s like sitting in a burning building, and nobody else will even admit they smell smoke. There are days where I wonder how anything ever actually changes.
ZACH
A little faster with people like you around, I guess.
GABE
We are gonna find who hit you, you know. It was a crowded hallway. Hell, Leslie and Krista saw him, we’re gonna—
ZACH
Okay, even if you find him, how are you supposed to make the school do anything about it?
GABE
Zach, you just were telling me not to give up.
ZACH
Yeah, but like, pick your battles, man.
GABE
He hit you in front of a lot of people. I don’t see how much more black-and-white it needs to—
ZACH
First of all, if he’s an athlete, they’ll cover his ass no matter what. Second, it was a crowded hallway, so how hard do you think it’ll be for him to find someone who swears it wasn’t him? Third—
GABE
What’s the purpose of starting out like we’ve already lost? What does that do?
ZACH NARRATION
Is Gabe seriously capable of making himself think only useful thoughts? I try to imagine what the inside of his head must be like. A series of to-do lists, broken up by goofy jokes and weird deodorant preferences.
ZACH
I’m not saying you’re gonna fail. I’m not, but like. Personal experience, okay?
A PAUSE
GABE
Sorry. Sorry. I need a second. (GRITTED TEETH) I am so goddamn angry at this school, it just.
ZACH
(EARNESTLY) Preach. But if we find him and the school won’t punish him, what’s your plan?
GABE
I’m sure Andy will have some ideas.
ZACH
No. Look, you can’t hit anyone.
GABE
If you’re going to say ‘Don’t sink to their level’—
ZACH
You get this would ruin any other plan your group comes up with, right? The Board of Education and the, the New York Times aren’t gonna listen to a kid who’s running around knocking the crap out of people—
GABE
You said it yourself. The papers, the board, they might not care. I’m not saying we do it tomorrow, but what if it’s the only justice we get?
ZACH
Gabe, I don’t give a shit if you wanted to be Zorro when you were a kid, this is not the Wild West.
GABE
Zorro wasn’t a cowboy.
ZACH
Gabe, if you punch a kid—do I need to explain why this is different than when Andy did it?
GABE
Believe me, Zach, you don’t, but I’m saying—
ZACH
Richardson hates you. He is going to suspend you if you give him the chance.
GABE
Who cares? You don’t go to school for a few days, it’s not a bad trade.
ZACH
Uh, for one thing, they could ban you from Prom and then this whole two and a half months will have been for jack shit?
GABE
Oh.
ZACH
Yeah. Please don’t hit this guy?
GABE
You honestly don’t think he deserves some payback?
ZACH
Of course I want him to suffer, but if you hit him, and the administration comes down on you—it’s not worth it, okay?
GABE
I won’t hit him. Or threaten him with violence.
ZACH
What else would you threaten him with, hugs?
GABE
I’m not a Carebear. Hey, can we—that song, can we hear it again?
ZACH
Hell yeah. (FX: THE SONG STARTS)
ZACH NARRATION
We listen all the way through, but it still ends too soon. I skip back to the beginning without asking.
ZACH
I miss my headphones. Walking around, listening.
GABE
Yeah. What do you think of the rest of this album?
ZACH
I just have this track. Why, is it good?
GABE
I think so.
ZACH
Y'know, it doesn't have to be my shit all the time. If you wanna bring something to play—
GABE
We only have one more meeting before prom.
ZACH
Right.
ZACH NARRATION
The next morning, on Tuesday, Tori and I are waiting for Spanish to start when Eddie Williams shuffles up to us. Eddie, who isn’t in our class and hasn’t spoken to me in months.
EDDIE
Uh, hey.
ZACH
What.
EDDIE
I, uh—I wasn't trying to—it wasn't, like, on purpose—
ZACH
What.
EDDIE
Yesterday.
ZACH NARRATION
What did Eddie even do yesterday, other than lose his grip on his books when I walked up to the lockers with a busted-up face?
I think back to that moment and it occurs to me for the first time that Eddie might've been wearing a hat and some kind of jersey. Eddie had looked at me and flinched. Of course, whoever bashed my eye wouldn’t have seen it then, too busy scrambling away before I could turn around.
I’m shaking but Tori squeezes my shoulder and I realize, suddenly, that I’m not really afraid. Or, I am, but I’m so many other things that the fear is getting crowded out.
ZACH
Oh, you mean, when you knocked my head into a drinking fountain?
EDDIE
Look, I didn’t mean for you to hit it that hard, it was supposed to be a joke, you know?
ZACH
Oh, hey, well, that changes everything. So, like, can you explain it to me?
EDDIE
I—uh.
ZACH
No, man, take me through it. You know I love to laugh. So okay, I’m walking down the hallway, you slam my face into a drinking fountain—what’s the payoff? Why is it funny, Eddie?
EDDIE
Please. I don't know if we can afford it. Please, man. I’ll—like, turn myself in, but. Don’t sue us.
ZACH
Sue you?
TORI
You haven’t even said you’re sorry, jackass.
EDDIE
Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry. I am so sorry.
ZACH
Well, I don’t really think I’m gonna forgive you.
EDDIE
Please, please don't take us to court. Please.
ZACH
Turn yourself in, leave all of us alone for the rest of the year and maybe, maybe I’ll think about it.
Probably needs a bell or other transitional FX
ZACH NARRATION
Gabe is already at the lunch table when I arrive.
FX: LUNCHROOM DIN
ZACH
Hey, Sugarbean. Jellyface. Peppercakes. Had an interesting chat with Eddie Williams today.
GABE
Did you? That’s surprising. He’s always struck me as an unusually boring person.
ZACH
Well, he seemed pretty convinced I wanted to sue him. It was weird, you know. It was almost like someone had cornered him and made a huge deal about their mom being a lawyer—
GABE
I really am very proud of her.
ZACH
—and then maybe didn’t explain she’s a real estate lawyer.
GABE
You know, now that you say it, that might have slipped my mind?
ZACH
Oh my god, dude, how’d you even find him?
GABE
We asked around. One of Krista’s theater friends saw Eddie do it, so I tracked him down before first hour and pointed some things out to him. How, even if the school doesn't care about our civil rights, the country has laws against assault. How 18-year-olds are tried as adults. How much a lawsuit costs. Prison sentences. I might have invented some legal terms. Nobody seems to pay much attention in Government.
ZACH
Wow. Wow.
GABE
Is it okay? Eddie was almost crying, so I didn't think he was going to cause trouble, but I told him to find you in Spanish, so Tori would be there in case.
ZACH
Uh, thanks.
GABE
He promised he’d confess to the principal, and we’re still gonna try to make sure there’s consequences. But. After everything, I thought you might find it funny to see him scared?
ZACH
Wow, well, that's. Certainly a blood-chilling way to put it.
GABE
(CONCERNED) Was I wrong?
ZACH
You weren't wrong. I'm not sure how you pulled this off, but it was somehow both creepy and sweet.
KRISTA
Creepy and sweet, are we talking about Gabe?
GABE
Krista! How do you appear out of nowhere like that? And I’m not.
KRISTA
Not creepy, or not sweet? Because Zachary's looking like he wants to write your initials all over his trapper keeper. Just saying.
ZACH
I mean, you made Eddie almost pee his pants using fake Latin. Can you prove you’re not a wizard?
KRISTA
You hear that? You're his hero, Gabriel.
ZACH
Yeah, Gabe. You're my hero.
ZACH NARRATION
I get the sense Tori’s behind on making her prom dress, except she also won't accept any help, which is such bullshit. It's like she's determined to make this as hard on herself as possible.
FX: SEWING MACHINE HUMS
ZACH
Hey. Battle of the Bands this Thursday, you coming?
TORI
Who gives a shit?
ZACH
What’d bands ever do to you?
TORI
Yeah, why the hell would I not wanna spend three hours in a high school gym with people I can barely stand during school, listening to an endless parade of angsty rich kids who think they’re sooo edgy, yelling about, 'some girl in my chem class doesn't wanna do me, it's the worst thing that's ever happened!' It is a goddamn mystery, Zach.
ZACH
Ponni says there’s at least one ska band.
TORI
Oh, well if there’s saxophones.
ZACH
C’mon, Ponni’s going. Her, me, Andy.
FX: SEWING MACHINE SPUTTERS
TORI
Oh my god, Zach. Can you get it into your head that maybe I have more important shit to think about?
ZACH
It’s a prom dress. You’re not defusing a bomb.
TORI
(SHARPLY) I can’t go, okay? Leave it.
ZACH NARRATION
She sews until two in the morning and when she settles down on the floor with a pillow I’m pretty sure is hers, that’s how I know she’s staying over.
The next morning, while she’s in the bathroom, I’m searching for a clean-smelling shirt when I find something boxy and hard-edged under a jacket. It’s her jewelry box. I’ve asked her not to dump her stuff all over my room, but she never stops, there’s always more, and I don’t get why—
I think of her bedroom, the dwindling furniture, and I leave that, too.
Ponni has enough enthusiasm about Battle of the Bands to make up for Tori, though. You could crowdsurf on Ponni's enthusiasm for Battle of the Bands.
PONNI
They're gonna battle it out, who reigns supreme, using only music, ahhh!
ZACH NARRATION
Supposedly, we’re going over my algebra homework. I throw a glance at the librarian's desk. She is aggressively pretending not to notice.
PONNI
Ten bands in one night. That is fifty cents a band, is that not unreal? This! Is gonna be! So cool!
It's just so nice to have something good happen, you know? Everything lately, it's always bad news. I'm looking so, so forward to—just dance it out, you know?
ANDY
Hey, want anything from the vending machines?
PONNI
Yeah!
ANDY
What do you want?
PONNI
I trust your instincts!
ANDY
Got it.
FX: FOOTSTEPS AWAY
ZACH
What’s Mr. Brown like?
PONNI
Awesome. Completely awesome. So so great. He gets it, you know? I can tell him all my weird head business and he’s never like, ‘You’re overreacting’ or ‘Don’t cry’, he’s all ‘Ponni, you have a right to feel what you feel, but it’s not always constructive, so let’s work on strategies to’—blah blah blah, it’s incredible.
ZACH
‘Strategies to’ what?
PONNI
Oh, like, not to fixate on bad thoughts, stuff like that. Why? Ooh, are you thinking of meeting with him? You should, Brown is the best.
ZACH NARRATION
I twist my hands, trying to think of a polite way to point out that I’m not, in fact, crazy. Ponni must mistake my silence for inner angst, because when I look up, she’s fixing me with a sympathetic smile.
PONNI
That first step’s the hardest. I can come with if you want?
ZACH
Uh, that’s okay. I think it’s something I need to do on my own.
PONNI
I’m so happy you’re gonna do it, though.
ZACH NARRATION
I’ve worked myself into a corner: either pretend like I’ve started meeting with Brown—and the guy has no reason to cover for me—or actually meet with Brown and pretend there’s something wrong in my brain. I deeply regret bringing it up. I’m not even sure why I did.
ANDY
Oh wow, did he get you off Battle of the Bands?
PONNI
Oh heck, yes! Battle of the Bands!
ZACH NARRATION
But when I meet up with them Thursday night in the gym, Ponni is slumped into a wheelchair, looking tired.
FX: PEOPLE TALKING, A ROCK BAND TUNING IN THE GYM
ZACH
You okay, man?
PONNI
Tonight’s more of a sitting night. Which, unfortunately, we can’t set up chairs at the front because someone’s mom thought it’d be a fire hazard.
ANDY
Parent-volunteer fascists. This, right here, this is why I’m an anarchist.
ZACH
Ponni, if you’re not feeling great…
PONNI
(FIERCELY) If I waited until I felt great to do things, I would never do anything. I just wanna have fun tonight, who cares if we can’t see. I know what a band looks like. Let’s just sit in the back like it’s storytime.
ZACH
Sounds good.
ANDY
Hang on, I think they’re starting.
ZACH
Didn’t know Mike had a band. That doesn’t seem fair.
MIKE
Hello. (FX: AUDIO FEEDBACK) We’re Accursed.
FX: THE SONG STARTS UP. IT IS NOTICEABLY BAD. THE DRUMMER IS OFF-RHYTHM, AND THE RELATIVELY SIMPLE CHORDS ARE STILL GETTING SCREWED UP. AS THE SONG PLAYS, IT OVERLAPS WITH THE DIALOGUE BELOW.
PONNI
(FRUSTRATED NOISE) There’s nothing to do here!
ANDY
We could heckle Mike’s band. Not like they can hear us from back here.
PONNI
Please. Let’s.
ANDY
Boo!
ZACH
Boo! I want my fifty cents back!
PONNI
Boo! This experience is disappointing!
ANDY
Boo! You’re not even ska!
ZACH
Boo! Send your drummer back to middle school jazz band!
ANDY
BOO! Take your white boy suburban angst and SHOVE IT!
PONNI
BOO! HOW HARD IS IT TO MAKE A FLAT ROOM HANDICAP ACCESSIBLE!
MRS. PETERSON
You three, out, now.
ANDY
Yep, got it.
FX: THE BAND CONTINUES PLAYING AS TWO SETS OF FOOTSTEPS AND A WHEELCHAIR APPROACH A BACK DOOR.
PONNI
Can you guys get my chair down the step?
ANDY
Totally.
ZACH
Check it out, you’re basically crowdsurfing. Woo!
FX: TWO SETS OF FOOTSTEPS GO DOWN A STEP. A WHEELCHAIR IS SET DOWN ON THE CONCRETE.
PONNI
Yes! Is that the most rock’n’roll thing you’ve ever done or what?
ANDY
It’s in my top ten. Zach?
ZACH
Where do you think all that smoke’s coming from?
ANDY
Probably some kind of bonfire. It’s a nice night.
ZACH
A little cold.
ANDY
Yeah, but it’s clear. How long do you wanna party out here for, Ponni?
PONNI
The party don’t stop!
ANDY
Hell yeah! High five!
FX: A HIGH FIVE. CARS SWISH PAST. DISTANTLY. A FIRE ENGINE WAILS, ON AND ON. ZACH’S PHONE RINGS.
PONNI
Ooh, is it Gabe?
ZACH
Unknown number.
ANDY
Go ahead and take the call, we’ll just be over here reliving the glory.
PONNI
Woo!
ZACH
Uh, hello?
TORI
(UNSTEADILY) Zach, oh my god. Okay, you need to come pick up me and Cody from the gas station on Fifth.
ZACH
What? Tori, are you guys okay?
FX: THE SIREN IS GETTING LOUDER
TORI
They did it. They finally did it.
ZACH
What the hell is going on?
FX: THE SIREN PASSES ZACH, STILL WAILING
TORI
(LAUGHS JAGGEDLY) Insurance fraud.
ZACH
What?
TORI
Zach, I know you had that thing tonight, but. Me and Cody are at the Shell station at Fifth. I need you to come pick us up, okay? (SHAKY BREATH) My parents burned our house down.
MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS
This episode features—
Matthew Sabido as Zach
Chris Rivera as Gabe
Perseus Rebelo as Andy
Sophia Babai as Ponni
Ishani Kanetkar as Tori
Paige Alena as Leslie
Nikki Paige as Mrs. Peterson
Tal Minear as Molly
Regina Renée Russell as Krista
Jing Jing Wong as Sierra
Stephen Indrisano as Eddie
Andy BC Emmerson as Mike
Directed by Rachel Mackenzie Kellum
Production coordination by Michaela Whatnall
Sound effects by Phoebe Izzard Davey
Audio mixing by Rebecca Lynn
Written by Jessica Best
Zach’s narration music is by Chiron Star. Closing credits music is by Jessica Best, and arranged, performed, and produced by Chiron Star.
Kay Watson as Morning Announcements
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